Last week’s blog- “Why BDSM is exploding in the black community “ is my top viewed post and I’m not surprised. As I stated before, I’ll be covering this subject in a series of posts. Today, we’re gonna take a deeper look into swinging and why it’s not going away anytime soon.
I’m going to scratch the surface on this subject and trust me, I plan to revisit it in future posts. The subject of swinging, and alternative sex lifestyles is extremely extensive and deserves it’s own area of study. However, we’ll take a look at this topic from a holistic perspective and possibly shed light on it’s allure to the psyche of the average person. Unfortunately for us, we are animals by nature which means we have to constantly balance our innate desire to be monogamous as well as polyamorous. Most people are either one or the other but there is a culture of us that fall somewhere in between. Understanding how to navigate this landscape of sexuality can get tricky so it’s best to know the lay of the land in all aspects of life. I understand this conversation may make most feel uncomfortable but I’d like for you to confront and explore your deepest fears and insecurities about this subject. Let them rise to the surface so you can truly transform to a new way of thinking. The season we are in (Scorpio) is about death and rebirth. This is also the most intensely sexual energy of the zodiac so dive into the most deepest zones of intimacy- exposing those wild sexual proclivities you’ve got floating around. And I know you have them…
Disclaimer: Having a threesome is NOT always a good way to spice up your love life or marriage and YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO IT. If you think inviting a random spirit in your sacred space is ok, well bless your heart. But don't do it because you're being influenced by pop culture. (And yes there is a very real agenda to program us in this arena).
There is one dark cloud that looms over all relationships. We all know it’s there and it’s presence is felt by the average person-becoming the most common fear of all in love-CHEATING. Relationship duration does not dictate human nature so it’s a great conversation to have at any phase of the union.
First, it’s important to understand swinging is more common than you may think. Get that through your head right now. Your doctors, neighbors, pre-school teachers and I hate to burst you burst your bubble but even pastors engage in this lifestyle. Besides, they are people too and aren’t exempt from being human. Think about swinging like doing coke or smoking weed in America-people do it more than you think. The comedian Monique recently shared that she had a hall pass arrangement in her marriage: and that has started a much needed conversation and ya’ll know I’m here for it! Just admit it, you know you were curious…see more here: http://www.vibe.com/2015/11/monique-cheating-pass-husband/
Alternative sex lifestyle terms and their definition:
1. "Hall Pass"- when one or both people come to a mutual decision that the other can sleep with someone else.
2. "Cuckcold"- A cuckold is the husband of an adulterous wife. The word cuckold derives from the cuckoo bird, alluding to its habit of laying its eggs in other birds' nests
Psychology regards cuckold fetishism as a variant of masochism, the cuckold deriving pleasure from being humiliated. In Freudian analysis, cuckold fetishism is the eroticization of the fears of infidelity and of failure in the man's competition for procreation and the affection of females.
3. "Sister Wife"- In a polygamous marriage, a woman who is simultaneously the sister and co-wife of another.
4. "Brus-band"-In a polygamous marriage, a man who is the brother/friend and co-pilot of a the household.
5. "Voyeur"- people with sexual interest in or practice of spying on people engaged in intimate behaviors, such as undressing, sexual activity, or other actions usually considered to be of a private nature
Hint: Blog posts like these bring out your inner voyeur.
6. "Exhibitionist"- People that enjoy exposing themselves in a public or semi-public context parts of one's body that are not normally exposed – for example, the breasts,genitals or buttocks.
7. "Swinging"- aka wife swapping or partner swapping, is a non-monogamous behavior in which both singles and partners in a committed relationship engage in sexual activities with others as a recreational or social activity.Arising from the freer attitudes to sexual activity after the sexual revolution of the 1960s, the invention and availability of the contraceptive pill and the emergence of treatments for many of the sexually transmitted diseases that were known at that time.
The swinger community sometimes refers to itself as "the lifestyle", or as "the alternative lifestyle"
Orgy Origins
Orgy= In modern usage, an orgy is a sex party where guests freely engage in open and unrestrained sexual activity or group sex.
To understand the allure of the orgy we have to look back in time to ancient Rome. Greek mystery religions, which became quite trendy in the early days of the Roman Empire, had a mania for orgies which were shrouded in secrecy. This air of mystery was deliberate: the rituals' hidden nature gave the participants power. Source: http://www.gq.com.au/gq+girls/dating/the+origin+of+the+orgy,44095
Organizing an orgy is the ultimate status symbol. Partaking in an orgy (or even just reportedly taking part) shows to both sexes that you are sexually desirable, socially mobile and like to experiment. We're back to the secret societies of ancient Greece and Rome. Open relationships and casual sex are becoming common practice in the black community and we can all agree black men and women are struggling to connect.
This presents a complex problem for several reasons:
-We are not operating with ancestral knowledge of building healthy unions
-We are not economically empowered to set up industries to take care of our communities
I mentioned this because an oppressed people will find outlets to channel our pain and frustration. Substance abuse, Addictions and sexual habits often intersect and are a problem for us for this reason.
Sex Slaves
Studies show, people who have a history of social discrimination and financial hardship were more psychologically distressed and more likely to participate in "difficult" sexual situations. Participation in these scenarios mediates the effects of social oppression and psychological distress on sexual risk behavior.
(PsychINFO Database Record)
PTSS differs from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which results from a single trauma experienced directly or indirectly. “When we look at American chattel slavery, we are not talking about a single trauma; we’re talking about multiple traumas over lifetimes and over generations,” says DeGruy. “Living in Black skin is a whole other level of stress.”
In formulating her theory, she wondered: …What adaptive behaviors have we invented—now misinterpreted as “cultural”—to survive in a toxic environment? “How do we tease out, …that which is absolutely pathological?” asks DeGruy, because figuring that out is essential if we are to break the cycle. “We have to learn to not pass along the broken material. We have to learn how to keep ourselves safe.”
{Read more at EBONY http://www.ebony.com/wellness-empowerment/do-you-have-post-traumatic-slave-syndrome#ixzz4OXGogANf
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Private about Polyandry
Polyandry in which a woman has more than one husband. (zoology:-a pattern of mating in which a female animal has more than one male mate)
The polygamy topic has been beaten to death and while I'm open to having it, I usually roll my eyes as I've noticed a severe imbalance in this analysis. Whether we want to admit it or not, this is a conversation happening more often than you think and it's time to get a more balanced perspective of this practice.
👉🏿When taking Many Husbands Makes Sense 👰🏾
Women in such systems are not "cheating" by any stretch of the imagination, nor are the men being cuckolded. The systems are socially sanctioned. The first husband functions as the decider when it comes to resource distribution and acceptance of additional male mates.
📌Polyandry was common in areas of the world where resources such as land and food were scarce, but women were allowed to own property. Generally, where the practice was followed, a man who desired to marry a woman met with the woman's parents. If they came to an agreement, the man married the woman. If a second man also desired to marry the woman, he spoke with the woman's parents, and unless the first husband presented a dowry large enough to create a monogamous relationship, the second man also married the woman. The family then all lived in the same home.
(From FB post Oct 16, 2016)
For those that feel drawn to this type of lifestyle there are a couple of qualifying questions you need to ask yourself to properly identify the origin of this curiosity:
1. Have I experienced trauma or heartbreak?
2. Am I bi-sexual? Do I expect my partner to be?
3. How do I feel about my life overall? (career, personal)
4. Does my current relationship have trust issues?
5. Am I happy with my current financial position?
6. What do I want to gain from this?
7. What is the worst that could happen if I try this?
8. How can this experience make me a better person?
How would YOU feel if this were YOUR partner with someone else?
^^^Did you find the above meme you harsh? Well I only did that to show how I don’t think we’re as evolved in the sexual revolution as we think we are. Re-education over a longer period of time needs to occur before we’ll see a significant portion of the population change . If you have never thought about these questions….THIS AIN’T THE LIFESTYLE FOR YOU. Only a fool would rush into something like this without proper self-examination. This is not being sexually free, it’s being reckless. Plain and simple.
It’s important to note: The alternative lifestyle community should be approached with caution for several reasons. And there are many things to consider:
The average person doesn’t have knowledge of human behavior analysis and miss important indicators that could help them avoid a world of hurt if they knew what they were dealing with in advance. Think about this lifestyle as a chemistry experiment. You need to know the exact measurement, elements and variables in each test. One wrong move or miscalculation could lead to a major explosion and not in a good way. Life is all about relationships and learning how to navigate and manage them is a delicate dance. As a holistic counselor, I help individuals discover themselves using indigenous methods along with sacred science and geometry so they can ultimately understand others. We’re animals by nature and there is a reason we do the things we do-why we gravitate towards some and not others. None of this is random and there is in fact a science to finding the right people in life, love, business, etc. In my experience, I've observed 3 clear personality profiles: 1.Gorgeous Sex addicts, 2.Socially awkward/unattractive, 3.emotionally imbalanced. In a lot of cases these were executives, professional people and even parishioners.
(yes, even prominent pastors that you know are swingers)
In regards to personalities, there are certain ones that are naturally pre-disposed to think differently about sex. These are people that can separate their human emotion from sexual activity and they can show up in different forms. In this segment of the general population, you have to consider people who are emotionally and chemically imbalanced which provides extra insight to their behavior. Show me a woman that wants to be blind-folded and gang banged by strangers and I’ll show a person that has severe psychological issues. (true story)
If you think you wanna swing here is one fundamental question that will determine whether you’re truly ready to go down this rabbit hole.
How would I feel if my partner had sex with someone else?
Notice your initial gut reaction and GO WITH IT. Understanding reciprocity is key.
The Law of Reciprocity= to give and take mutually; to return in kind or even in another kind or degree. The expectation may never be discussed openly but nonetheless it exists and affects negotiations and relationships.
All parties must benefit from the relationship and invest in the relationship and acts must be mutually rewarding otherwise it creates an imbalance in reciprocity. Partners that pressure their lovers into this scenario are not aware of your boundaries and it’s time to have a serious conversation about the goals/intentions of your relationship. Sex can be a fantastic journey if both parties are balanced, healthy individuals who have a clear plan and purpose in each other’s lives. This can be used as a powerful tool of manifestation-unlocking hidden power to create money, wealth and success.
You’re blind if you don’t notice a threesome narrative being pushed and it’s commonplace to hear of the proverbial couple doing this to “spice up” their love life. I always roll my eyes because the average couple that does go down this road usually do so blindly and eventually cause irreparable damage to the bond. When you start bringing people into your sacred union, you need to be very clear who they are.
If you are engaging in activity that would lead to pro-creation, you must always ask yourself, am I ok with having this person’s child? Now if you guys are on some sister wives/ “Big Love” sh*t, do your thing. But if you’re a wife that is thinking about giving your husband a hall pass... condoms break- meaning you need to be open to the possibility of pregnancy even if it’s a slim chance. You’d be surprised how many children have been born out of “oops” moments outside of marriages. Speaking of semen….. I think this is a great moment to talk about it as the life force energy that it is. So don't waste it! https://youtu.be/7DKQQoi77_g
Sex Pre-Nup
(For Couples Considering Alternative Lifestyle)
I would advise from an energetic standpoint to allow the wife to choose the woman & have draft a “Sex Pre-nup”
What is a Sex Pre-Nup?
This is a legally binding contract or agreement a husband and wife create to identify a code of conduct in your sexual lives. Each person will list ground rules that will provide emotional/physical health; effective communication; family values; financial livelihood; discipline
{also applies to sister wife arrangements / poly amorous lifestyles}
If you’re the one in favor of having this experience. Ask yourself, would I mind if my partner did the same? Do I naturally get turned on at the thought of my mate having sex with someone else? If you don’t like this visual, imagine how it feels to your partner. Some couples claim it saved their relationship. But some couples are just playing with fire. There's a thin line you walk when you allow other energies into the sexual parts of a union, and if it's not strong enough from the get-go there can be some serious fallout
If you believe in #BlackLove and WOULD like to go down this road, it’s important to seek the advise of sacred sex professionals. Done wrong, this can quickly lead to sexual abuse, trauma and destroyed family structures.
These sisters have an innate understanding of how to channel sexual energy for the Highest Good of All.
Our mission is to re-awaken these lost arts for healing, & personal empowerment in the modern world.
-Creates a portal for a new level of consciousness that promotes the awakening of masculine and feminine energies.
-Learn how your body can help you transcend the realms of the physical
Each time you lay down this involves more than just the physical joining of bodies in orgasm. Sexuality has regenerative powers and women’s bodies were revered for their ability to bring forth new life. The Breasts, the yoni, the womb were all understood to hold the essence of life and the female body was deemed sacred. I believe if you are going to be with someone forever, you may as well get comfortable and this means being “naked” and transparent enough to be your true self. You’re crazy if you think you’re the only person your partner will find sexually attractive so deep intimate conversations about this should happen as often as you see fit. This will build communication, trust, loyalty, and discipline.
P.S.-If you have any questions, let me know. We have a powerful new moon in SEx driven Scorpio so use this energy to manifest your highest desires. Read "Why you should have sex this weekend" link: http://confessionsofasagartbodysoul.blogspot.com/2016/10/3-reasons-you-must-have-sex-this.html
"Hall Passes" revisited: Here are TOP COMMENTS from people who confessed that they allowed a hall pass in their relationship and needless to say, the results varied.
